


Like a Mirror, I Shattered

by Maltishu (Reinapuff)



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Especially Seulgi, F/F, Gen, glass!seulgi, glass!yeri, mentions seulrene, someone help joy please, sooyoung does not realize what is coming her way, surprise this is all kang seulgi's recollection of events, wenseulrene being moms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinapuff/pseuds/Maltishu
Summary: “And you’re telling me nothing’s fucking wrong? What has gotten into you?”
Relationships: Kim Yerim | Yeri/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Kudos: 3





	Like a Mirror, I Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> The result of my depression needing to be written out. 
> 
> The next chapter of Ascension should be out soon, alongside Distant Love. Thanks for the patience.  
> I love you guys.
> 
> (ReVeluvs I beg of you to not turn me into a sacrifice for the RV comeback please.)

––––––––––

_ In this world, there’s two types of humans: _

_ Those who are normal, and have nothing to worry about. _

_ Those who are made of glass, and shatter upon heartbreak from their soulmates. A permanent death, if you’ll call it such _ .

Bae Joohyun was lucky, and was a normal human. Her partner Kang Seulgi, not so lucky. Though it’s said that those who find happiness with their true love temper into unbreakable glass. Their friend Shon Seungwan? Also normal.

The same case goes for Park Sooyoung. 

But young Kim Yerim was out of luck. And she was already slowly breaking off without realizing it. Whenever she stepped a little too hard, a small pile of translucent, reflective dust would be left in her wake. She thought this was normal, but it seems that those piles of dust caught the attention of the other glass woman. A girl so sweet shouldn’t be shattering so easily and leaving traces, but she was. 

Unfortunately for Sooyoung, Yerim would never share her reasons as to why she broke so easily.

––––––––––

There was one day where Seulgi had quietly pulled Yeri into a practice room to talk with her. Though the girl wasn’t unbreakable, it was still concerning that she left little specks behind her as she walked. “Yeri. I’m worried.”

“About what, Seul? It’s nothing. It’s just another day of ‘Oh, Sooyoung will never notice how much you love her’... it’s normal.”

“You’re shattering at an incredibly alarming rate, Yeri!” Seulgi’s hands tightly gripped Yeri’s shoulders, making the younger girl wince a little. “And you’re telling me nothing’s fucking wrong? What has gotten into you?”

Yeri’s eyes looked up with some sort of hurt reflecting off of them. “I’ve been like this for a while now, nothing’s going to change. No matter what I do or say for her, she will never know how bad my heart hurts! Why did I fall in love, Seulgi?! Why?!” The clear eyes began to tint with pinks as they glazed over with tears. She was on the verge of tears. A nightly thing for her at this point, but there was naught she could do. “I know she doesn’t love me, and I know she sees me this one way but it hurts so much! I just want to be happy like you and Hyunnie…”

“Yeri…”

“I’m tired of the pity party you guys keep throwing me, okay? It’s irritating. It’s annoying, unnie. I get it, you’re all sad because I keep breaking off and I can’t help it. I don’t want to tell Sooyoung I love her because I don’t want to face the rejection either. I know it’s gonna come my way, I just… don’t think I can handle it.” Yeri’s hands grabbed Seulgi’s wrists and moved the older woman’s hands off of her shoulders, sighing. “I know you guys want me to be happy. But maybe happiness isn’t meant for everyone, Gomdori.”

Something about the words that just left Yeri’s lips left Seulgi in shock. She didn’t expect one of the happiest girls she had ever known to just give up so easily. The way Yeri held vitriol in her tone as she said “ _ Gomdori”  _ sent a chill down her spine. Had this really been going on for that long to the point it turned their maknae into a bitter girl? Furrowing her eyebrows, Seulgi stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and looked away to the mirror of the practice room. Her reflection staring right back at her and the back of Yeri’s began to give her brief flashbacks. 

In a way, Seulgi could relate to Yeri. She felt the exact same pain when she fell for Irene.

Only difference was that it wasn’t unrequited. Irene actually loved her just as she loved Irene.

Joohyun wasn’t a tragedy.

Sooyoung however, is going to end up as a tragedy.

With her own reflection staring back at her, Seulgi gulped. She had to be careful. Yeri was shattering in front of her own eyes and she couldn’t really help much. All she could do was be a sort of familial figure in hopes that their relationship staves off the impending shattering. Meeting the pained gaze from Yeri, Seulgi lets out a soft sigh. “Go to Hyunnie’s room. I actually think she’s in my studio… and go talk to her. We’ll go get something to eat later on today with her, okay?”

“Okay.”

Yerim sounded defeated. The heavy weight on the girl’s shoulders did lift a little at knowing two of her closest friends were trying their best to help. Seungwan and Seulgi were her saviors, and Joohyun was an added bonus to her. But she knew not to tell Sooyoung what was going on.

––––––––––

_ Forced feelings cause those of glass to crack and shatter faster. In fact, it could be their instantaneous death if it’s forced by the hand of the one made of glass.  _

_ I thought it was that way with Joohyun when I first realized that if I made one mistake, it could’ve killed me right then and there in front of her. Not that staring into a mirror inside of an empty dance room helps the thought any, either. But Yerim’s eyes were much like mine when I had told Seungwan about it. Though Seungwan was blessed to be normal by standards, she was my lifeline to helping me cope with the feelings.  _

_ Yerim and Sooyoung are such a different case than Joohyun and I were. _

_ A bright eyed girl with a gentle giant. Honestly, star-crossed lovers in a way. _

_ It’s just a shame that Sooyoung’s not in love with the girl. And telling Sooyoung could possibly force feelings that aren’t there to shatter Yerim. _

_ Being made of glass is a nightmare, especially when you’re not of tempered glass like I am now. When we find solace and comfort with those we truly love– our soulmates, if you want to say that– we temper into unbreakable glass. We become normal in a way. Still made of glass, but a lot stronger. _

_ Yerim, please hold on for us. I know it hurts, but losing a little sister would hurt more than hell freezing over. _

––––––––––

8:30 pm, still the same day.

The door to the practice room opens as Joohyun’s quiet nature diminished and her Daegu accent was coming through. Talk about being comfortable around someone to the point you don’t mind going back to your roots. “Gomdori? Are you in here? I have Yeri with me.”

Turning around and nodding, Seulgi motioned for her to come in. “Baetokki, hi. Is Yeri behind you?”

“She is, and so is your other favorite person ever!”

There was Seungwan’s voice. Poking her head in, Seungwan’s smile was almost a relief to see after the horrible day the rest of them had. “Hi Seul. I tagged along with the other two. I also heard about what’s–”

“Shut your mouth and come in here if you’re going to talk about that,” Seulgi’s brows furrowed as her eyes narrowed in frustration. “The last thing we need is for Sooyoung to hear any of this.”

“Okay, okay… damn.” Wendy’s hands reached for the door as she took a hold of the handle and closed it, with four of the five members now inside of the practice room. “I heard about what’s going on with Yeri. And I have to ask, is it really true, Yeri? Or how do you know this is true?”

Yeri’s face darkened. Her eyes seemed to lose their glimmer and the dark circles began to accentuate her eyes under the light. Sleepless nights, and countless ones for that matter, haunted the poor girl. The once lively eyes met the worried but inquisitive gaze of Wendy and mutters that barely broke the silence were the response. “Out of curiosity, not that long ago actually… I eavesdropped on Sooyoung and on Hyunnie. Hyunnie asked her if she had any feelings for anyone, and she said she didn’t particularly like anyone. I’m stuck in this weird unrequited love scenario.”

“It’s literally you and Joohyun all over again, Seulgi.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Explains the shuffling I heard down the hallway that day,” Irene ran a hand through her hair, “but that doesn’t matter. You really are in a bad scenario. I… what would happen if you told Joy?”

“She actually shatters, and faster than she already is,” Seulgi looks up. Her eyes were about as dark as Yeri’s were. “I’ve been hiding how bad she is from both of you, and so has she. Within reason too, since we don’t want Sooyoung to find out. Forcing feelings will kill her on the spot. Roll your sleeves up, Yerim.”

The maknae gripped the cuff of her sleeve and yanked it towards her shoulder. A unified gasp from Wendy and Irene.

Cracks everywhere. Bits and pieces were already missing, and in their place was just a small void of black. Nothing there to cover up the hollow inside. Taking the wipe from Seulgi’s hand, Yeri cleaned her face. Even under her eyes, where the dark circles still remained, there were cracks. A few on her cheeks, one on her lips… the poor girl was like an old doll about to disappear. “This… this is why I’m not telling Sooyoung anything. Why I kept hiding from you both… I didn’t want to worry you. But Seulgi told me to come to you two as well.”

“Holy shit–”

“Language, Baetokki–”

“No, language doesn’t matter, Wannie. I did sort of… maybe… definitely asked her what the fuck is wrong with her.”

“Look I expected that maybe from me or from Joohyun but YOU? Gomdori, what?”

“Look, emotions are a very powerful thing,” the woman of tempered glass raised her arms in the air. “I was out of line but at the moment it was all I could think of.”

Yeri’s quiet voice filled the awkward silence left by the other three women. “I always tell myself I’m not really shattering. That this is all just some twisted nightmare and that I just haven’t woken up yet. But unfortunately for me, this is no nightmare. I’m shattering like a windshield does when a rock hits it and it’ll only get worse until I’m fully gone. In a way, keeping me alive now is torture.”

Silence. The three just looked at their maknae.

“I just sometimes wish it wasn’t Sooyoung. Besides, she’d never love someone made of glass. I’m literally too fragile to–”

A knock cuts them off. There’s a cold silence once again filling the air. Not awkward, but tense this time around.

Speaking of Sooyoung, she was right on the other side of the door. “Yeri? Wannie? Hyunnie? Seul?”

Irene gulps, nervously pulling on the collar of her hoodie. “Yes, Joy?”

“Are we going out for dinner? Or are we ordering at the dorms and waiting for take out?”

“At the dorms, Joy!”

“Oh, uh… okay. See you guys there?”

“You will. Just remember Seulgi’s probably going back to her apartment after dinner.”

“Actually, can I stay with you tonight Baetokki?”

“Nevermind, we’ll stay up late together. Just make sure there’s space for us to have dinner. Last time we asked you to–”

A nervous laugh from the other side. “Okay, okay! I’ll see you guys there then. Take care on your way back home!” The shuffling of her bags eventually faded into the distance. Joy’s steps faded to the nothingness as well, which made Yeri release a sigh of relief. 

“Have you not noticed I never go bareface anymore? I have to hide these cracks. Sooyoung… she’d feel so guilty…”

“At some point, someone has to fill her in on what’s going on. And you’ve been hiding this from Luvies too. But telling them means that she’ll find out.”

Seulgi pulls Yeri to the side so the two can fix up the girl’s makeup. Irene shakes her head, and Wendy places a hand on her shoulder. “I actually don’t know what to do, Wannie. I… I know I struggled with Seulgi before she tempered but this? What do we do here? What if Yeri does shatter before our eyes?”

“At that point… we just hope we can pick up whatever pieces we can salvage and keep her with us forever,” Wendy’s eyes lost their glimmer. Even she knew the severity of the situation would one way or another lead to Yeri disappearing and Joy never truly knowing why. “I remember Seul when she was this fragile, but she never got to this state. It seems Yeri’s been like this for forever at this point. All we can do is try to keep her together as long as possible. Delay… the inevitable, I guess. Come on, Sooyoung’s waiting for us at the dorms. We need to go eat.”

Impending doom was indeed coming, and at the unfortunate cost of one of their own. The five would go back to four.

Dinner was awkward enough that night, but the weeks following made the tension grow worse.

––––––––––

The coming weeks were worse for Yeri than the previous ones. The constant state of falling apart became such a burden to the point Yeri was no longer allowed to sleep alone. In order to prevent any disaster from hitting them too soon, Seulgi forced Yeri to move in with her. Many restless nights and countless, tiresome days passed. After a certain point, Yeri began to get lazy. No make up, but oversized hoodies and sweatpants that would hide the worst of it. The certain thought to action process prompted Yeri to adopt more of a “Fuck all.” attitude. 

Seulgi pulled the girl to the side on the day they were scheduled to all be in the practice room as a group. She motioned for Irene and Wendy to go on without them, and they did with a worried nod. “So… this fuck all attitude of yours, Yerm. You’re going to get rid of it so Joy doesn’t realize what’s going on, right?” The woman they lovingly called Gomdori narrowed her eyes as she hoped the sudden shift in emotion would get an answer out of Yeri. 

But alas, Yeri said not a word. 

“You know I’ll get Baetokki to call your name in her Daegu accent.”

“Okay, okay, fine–” A groan from the maknae. “I just don’t want to hide anymore, Seul. I’m sick of it. Even if she finds out, I can always lie and say it’s another girl. I can always lie to her! I’m sick of being told to hide and I just–”

_ “Lie to who, Yerm?” _

Seulgi pulled Yeri into a hug to protect her. If Joy didn’t look at her, she wouldn’t know. Yeri’s face was blank and she was frozen in her spot after Seulgi hugged her. The way she couldn’t croak a sound out, so Seulgi spoke for her. “She means an old friend of hers. Since we’re rehearsing for a concert, she wants to lie to her friend so she can surprise her!” A thud from Seulgi’s chest. Her heart was pounding from having to lie to Joy. 

“Oh! Yeah, that makes sense. I guess you would want to surprise someone with something like that,” Joy’s furrowed brows eased up as she began to smile. “Hey Yeri, do you… maybe want to go grab lunch later?”

Because of Seulgi’s tight embrace, Yeri chokes out her response. “S-Sure! Yah, Seulgi! Let me go please–”

“Cool, I’ll wait for you by the elevator in a few hours. See you in the practice room!” And with that, Joy was off to follow Irene and Wendy. Seulgi gently pushed Yeri away, and looked down at her with concerned eyes. Yeri’s gaze met Seulgi’s with a bit of a standoffish aura. As dire as the situation was, all she could do was let it happen. There was no true happy ending for it. Hugging herself, Yeri turned away from Seulgi and began to walk after Joy. 

“Come on, we’re going to be late and that’s the last thing we need.”

“Alright, alright– Lead the way then, Yeri.”

––––––––––

The tensions were high in the practice room. Yeri was refusing to talk to Joy, Irene and Seulgi were at a loss for words in terms of diffusing the situation, and Wendy was caught in the middle of it all. After a certain point, Wendy just chimed in after cutting the music off. “No more, damn it! No fucking more! This is getting out of hand and we aren’t working as a group. Either this gets cleared up now and we risk the inevitable, or we keep the in-fighting and it hurts us more!” Her voice was hoarse. Tears mayhap, or maybe just the sheer fact that seeing people close to her fighting was hurting her as much as it would hurt anyone else? She never raised her voice that loud in anger, so it definitely caught the other Velvets by surprise.

“I’m sick of it, okay?! Sick of it! And it hurts worse knowing we’re going to lose a sister in the process because this hurts her the most…”

Yeri looks up, her barely visible gaze meeting Wendy’s before it went to Joy’s. And Joy’s eyes did not stay on Yeri for long. They drifted to Seulgi, to Irene, and to Wendy. Back and forth her gaze went, and it refused to stay still until she forced herself to stare at Yeri. Irene and Seulgi both sharply inhaled, knowing exactly what was about to come and how badly it would hurt. They were going to witness one of the worst possible outcomes they could ever think of. 

In a way, they were living out a nightmare.

Yeri pulled her hoodie off and pulled the bottom of her t-shirt past her waistband again, the dark gaze not drifting anywhere else. She could see it all, from Joy’s sudden shock to Seulgi’s reddening cheeks in her peripherals. The shock became sudden horror and worry mixed and baked into a pie of thoughts Joy might never share. She reached for Yeri’s wrist, and lifted her arm up.

––––––––––

_ Yerim… she really adopted a fuck all attitude. As much as she cares about Sooyoung, this was hurting her too much. I know Joohyun and Seungwan are just as worried as I am.  _

_ Hi, it’s me again– Seulgi. _

_ You’re asking yourself why I’ve taken over the narration again most likely. Plain and simple: _

_ This was never in Yerim’s point of view. This was all in my point of view as the other woman made of glass like her.  _

_ We wanted it to go the other way as much as you do. We want Yerim and Sooyoung to work out. We don’t want to lose our maknae– our sister we so dearly love. But… we can’t interfere with the events and with time. If we could, we would’ve tried our hardest to find a way to keep the girl alive. It hurts thinking about it… how she’s gone. We’re back to four, and it doesn’t feel right. Joohyun was considering going on a hiatus from the emotional toll, and I don’t blame her. We need it. _

_ Grief is a strong emotion, friends. _

_ There’s no true right way to grieve, you just adapt to whatever you can do.  _

_ Yerim, love... _

_ Watch over us when we perform. Watch over us when we practice. _

_ Watch over us when we eat or sleep. _

_ We just want to know you’re there. _

_ To my beloved little sister Yerim, our beautiful Yeri… whatever else we can come up with… _

_ We miss you. And we love you so much.  _

_ –––––––––– _

Seulgi watched as Yeri’s dead gaze drifted down to Joy’s hand gently holding her wrist.

“Can you medicate a broken heart? Make your tragedies a work of art, Sooyoung?”

“What are you talking about? What’s going on, Yerim? Why are you so… broken. Literally, too…”

“There’s two types of people in this world, Sooyoung.” Irene finally spoke up. “There’s people like us, who were blessed to be born normal. And then there’s people like Seulgi and Yerim, who are made of glass. They are fragile until they find their soulmates and their feelings are naturally returned. Like Seulgi, they become tempered glass. If their soulmate’s feelings don’t reciprocate what they feel, they become like Yerim and crack. Eventually, they shatter over time. She’s been like this for a while.”

Joy let go of the girl’s wrist and cupped her cheeks. “You’re in love and your soulmate isn’t reciprocating your feelings? I… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were struggling. I guess I should’ve been a better friend and asked what was going on. You… can forgive me, right?”

“Of course, Sooyoung,” Yeri’s smile was weak. She felt shards of glass falling off of her body. The shattering sounds were deafening to Seulgi. “I’ll always forgive you, even if… it hurts.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s you, Sooyoung,” Yeri brought her hands up and rested them over Joy’s. “I’ve been in love with you and you don’t feel anything. It’s okay, I already accepted the fact I was going to shatter completely at some point. Better to take myself out of my own suffering and misery than stretch it out.”

Joy began to tremble as she looked down at Yeri’s arms. Not small bits, but shards were falling. And they kept breaking. Irene bit her lip and Wendy had buried herself into Irene for an embrace. Seulgi stood back with eyes wide in horror at the scene unfolding before her. The constant sound of glass breaking was almost overwhelming. And to Joy, it only got worse. She could hear the way everything was cracking. Everything was like an echo of a song in her ears and she could not get rid of it.

“Yerim, no– No! Please tell me there’s a way to–”

“There is none,” the youngest of the group smiled half-heartedly. “It’s fate, so let it happen.”

Yeri’s dark gaze was the very last thing Joy got to see. The way it lit up for a moment before it disappeared. Hands in the air, she just brings them to her hair and starts backing up, stumbling and falling backwards. The impact against the floor was enough to get her to start crying in a near hysterical fashion. Even at her end, Yeri was still determined to leave with a bright image just for her to have some sort of good memory. 

But even the bright gaze would not be enough to overpower the chaos that just calmed itself down.

“Wen– Wendy–” Joy chokes out, reaching towards the other three women. Wendy was quick to pull Joy up to a seated position to hug her. The comfort of a big sister was all Joy had left for her.

Irene was left with her jaw hanging, and Seulgi with a hand covering her mouth.

“Even… even in her last moment, she really tried to leave us with a good image of her. She wanted to make us forget she was broken and breaking into nothingness…”

“Such is her nature,” Seulgi sounded a little dead inside herself. She felt a single crack show up on her arm, and it was from the pain of watching her maknae disappear before her very own eyes. On the floor where Yeri once stood was a necklace with a locket attached to it. 

“Our only physical connection to her left is her locket. What’s in it, Joohyun?”

Irene takes a few steps and leans down to grab it, opening up with tears streaming from both of her eyes.

“All five of us, with the other side just saying Happiness.”

“Let Sooyoung have it. I’m sure it’s what she would’ve wanted.”

––––––––––

A year passes. The Velvets feel the weight of the world on their shoulders every passing day. Every waking moment is reminiscent of Yeri’s time when she was alive. 

The locket never left Joy’s neck. When she slept, it helped her meet Yeri in her dreams. It truly was the only thing keeping the poor girl sane. She was heavily hurt by what she witnessed, and in a way, traumatized. She was not expecting for someone she was so close with to have been breaking and her not notice. Was she that dense? Was she just an idiot?

She hoped Yeri could answer those questions in her dreams.

––––––––––

_ As far as we all know, Sooyoung did talk to Yerim in her dreams. She says Yerim looks happy as ever, as if she never broke.  _

_ She talks about how her eyes hold the universe in them.  _

_ I think she fell in love now that she’s gone. It truly is a damn shame, too… _

_ They would’ve been so good for each other. _

_ Seungwan spends her time making sure Sooyoung can get to sleep. It’s been the toughest and roughest on her. I pray there’s some comfort in the realm of sleep. She’s so disturbed when she’s awake, she can barely focus. As if her mind keeps replaying the moment.  _

_ Mine does too.  _

_ Joohyun and Seungwan tell me on occasion the replay hits them like… ha, a brick to glass. But I do understand what they mean. It hurts.  _

_ Well, I don’t know what else to say. I told you everything as I can remember it. _

_ Or I tried to. It’s… spotty, to say the least. At my age now and witnessing that… it became too much at some point. _

_ To whoever finds this diary, please do not throw it away. Just keep it and cherish it. _

_ Maybe the story I told you will serve as a moral lesson for you. _

_ From yours truly in South Korea, _

_ Kang Seulgi _

  
  



End file.
